Becoming Dad

Can you grow tired of announcing THAT news?

Feb 192012

Don’t get me wrong. I am thrilled that I am becoming a dad. I also love to share that news with my family and friends! It’s just that it seems that since we learned my wife is pregnant, all we’ve done is hit the road, visit relatives, meet friends… and announce the news.

Reactions have been great and I feel a bit like an asshole sitting here complaining about this. But even THAT story is starting to sound repetitive and, to be brutally honest, boring.

Is it among the greatest moments of my life? You bet it is! Am I longing for a week end relaxing at home without having to see anyone? Damn right I do! I feel exhausted, tired, spent… I can only imagine how drained my wife must be at this moment.

The fact that work has been a bit crazy lately and that I am working on about 200 other projects at the same time probably does not help. And I can hear all of you dads out there telling me “You think you’re tired now? Wait til the little one is there!” I get it… and maybe that rush of doing the rounds, travelling from relative to relative is nature’s way of preparing me for sleep deprivation. Or maybe I should stop being so selfish and instead be happy to share that great news with the world.

But I can’t help it. I’m happy as hell to have shared that little bit of joy with our closest relatives, glad to have seen their reactions, received their congratulations and got their hugs. And I’m damn happy that rush is over and I can rest for a while.

So… am I a selfish idiot?

Daycare Hell

Getting Ready No Responses »

Feb 092012

Photo Courtesy of ButterflySha, Flickr

I don’t know what the situation is where you live, but here, in this Province, getting a place in a daycare center is hell. How bad is the situation? Well, my wife has been pregnant for about 6 weeks… and we are late in the process of putting our kid on the waiting lists.

Yeah… that bad.

Don’t get me wrong, there is plenty of great stuff about our system! It’s partly subsidized so it’s pretty cheap. Also, new mothers here get almost a full year off work to take care of their new born. Even dudes get about 5 weeks off after becoming dads! Problem is, the system is overworked. And this means wait lists!

It wouldn’t be so bad if there was a centralized system where you could say “Hey! I’m becoming a dad! Put me on wait lists for free spots in daycare centers!”. That would be too easy wouldn’t it? Nooooooo…. you have to contact every single daycare center that might be somewhat close to the place you live… or the place you work at… or anywhere in between for that matter. And by contact I mean, actually pick up the phone and call them. A web form or an email would be way too easy.

So here I am, building a list of phone numbers, searching through the yellow pages and websites trying to figure out where our kid could/should go, freaking out that I am just getting started while people are telling me “haven’t started yet?!?!? YOU’RE TOO LATE!!!”. Urgh…

So here I am, taking a few minutes off to vent here. I am sure it will all end up working out in the end, but this is something I could do without. Now sorry, I have to go call a few places…

Can I really do THAT to my kids?

General 2 Responses »

Feb 052012

Superbowl week end has me thinking… Can I really be THAT cruel with my future kid?

Let me start off by saying that, as a sports fan, I am cursed. Don’t believe me? Let me show you…

Exhibit A

When I was younger I was a hockey fan. The city where I grew up had an NHL hockey team so, naturally, I was a fan of that team… despite the fact that it was a perennial loser. Then something magical happened in the mid 90s. A young star player refused to play for them. They ended up trading him for a boatload of good players, and became competitive! So… how is that being a cursed sports fan?

The team ended up being sold and moved to another city… and won the Stanley Cup the very next year.

Exhibit B

I come from a Canadian city that did not have a CFL team. At some point in the late 80s/early 90s, NFL football became the rage up here! So of course I had to pick a team. How did I choose? Well, it had to be a team that was shown often on TV on my local station. It had to be a team I liked of which I liked the uniform and colors (so that I would be ashamed to wear their colors!) and, of course, if I was to pick a team, it had to be a good one.

I picked the Buffalo Bills.

Who went to the Superbowl 4 straight times… and lost each time.

Exhibit C

For exhibit C I will throw in a bunch of quick hits… The city where I live now lost its baseball franchise, when I decided to give soccer/football a shot, the team associated with the company I worked for became mediocre. When I went to see the Grey Cup (the CFL championship) live, my team lost. Need I say more?

Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, I rest my case.

So as I said at the beginning, Superbowl weekend has me thinking. Can I be that cruel with my future kid? Can I instil in him or her the love of sports? Is my curse genetically transmitted?

But more important… can I let that stupid curse prevent me from all those great moments cheering with my kid? Going to the arena together like my dad did with me?

Screw it… I know it’s unfair. But my kid will become a sports fan!

My First Encounter with Pregnancy Hormones…

General No Responses »

Jan 292012

Yesterday I had my first encounter with the dreaded mood swings and unpredictable behaviours that can happen in women during pregnancy. How did it all materialize? Sit down and brace yourselves, yesterday was quite a rush!

It all started at around 8am. You first have to know that saying I am not a morning person is an understatement. In fact, having to wake up early is pretty much what I fear the most about fatherhood. Waking me up at 8am is probably akin to Chinese water torture or even worse, having to spend a day listening to Rebecca Black’s Friday song!

But so it was that on a Saturday morning, I got poked and prodded by my better half until I grunted something that probably sounded like a mix between a caveman and a polar bear but actually meant “good morning”. Then my sweetheart started a monologue about how since we did not have oranges at home we should go visit her parents (both living about 300 kilometres from where we live), then visit her grandmother and be back home in time for the event that I had planned at 6pm.

Wha… wait… what?!?

So, here is the thought process that went through her mind. The original plan for our already busy week end was:

A birthday lunch on Saturday
My event after diner on Saturday night
Right after that we would jump in the car and head to her mother’s place and announce the news
We would sleep there and on Sunday morning head to her father’s place to, again, announce the news
After spending some time there, we would head over to her grandmother’s place to, again, announce the news
Head back home, tired of not having had a single moment of rest…

That whole plan seemed pretty exhausting to both of us… and it all had to plan by eating… right? Well THAT’s what started it all. She woke up hungry and with a craving of oranges. Problem is, we were all out of food in the house having planned for a week end out. She figured she had to go out to get oranges and maybe eat breakfast somewhere, then realised that she might as well head straight to her mother’s house! (Remember… that is 300 kilometres away).

So what happened? You guessed it… I woke up, got dressed and got in the car! 600 kilometres and a few relatives visit later, I have to admit that, in the end, I am quite happy that the updated plan gave me my Sunday to relax at home!

I guess those hormones are not so bad after all…

Book Review: The New Dad’s Survival Guide

Daddy University No Responses »

Jan 252012

Now that I am officially becoming a father, I guess it’s time to ramp up my courses at Daddy University!

Scott Mactavish, author of the New Dad’s Survival Guide, never claims to be an expert at anything. Actually, right off the start he will warn you: he is just an average Joe who managed to survive becoming a father.

If you are looking for in depth information, tips on how adapt to the new reality that you are becoming a father, exercises to better communicate with your partner… Well I suggest you try other books!

If instead you want quick practical survival tips (such as not forgetting to install the baby seat BEFORE going to the hospital to pick the kid up) all delivered in a funny tone, then this book will definitely deliver!

The New Dad’s Survival Guide is exactly what it claims to be. A survival guide. It is written as if fathering was some sort of high priority covert special ops. Mactavish even goes as far as provide code names for your partner (FPP or Female Parenting Partner) and your baby (NFU or New Family Unit).

Just because this book has a humorous tone doesn’t mean it’s not filled with practical information. The author does a great job of simplifying information for us fathers to be. His quirky descriptions can help know what to expect during the months of pregnancy, simplify some of the jargon and even corrects some misconceptions you might have about the actual process of giving birth.

Overall, I had a lot of fun reading this book and definitely feel like I am better prepared for what lies ahead thanks to it. Who said learning should not be fun?

I’m going to be a Dad!

General 8 Responses »

Jan 232012

When I started this blog this was THE post that I couldn’t wait to write. The post finally confirming it all: I was going to become a dad.

Well here it is, the positive test in all its glory! And here I am, a dude at a loss for words.

It all happened this weekend while we were out of town visiting good friends of ours. Since posting about how we “failed” to conceive in our first month of trying, my wife and I ended up having a few doubts. She was not sure if she had calculated her dates correctly and thus, if the last test was not performed too early. Knowing that we have a tendency to have a drink or two (understatement of the year… ) when we visit these friends, we figured we’d take another test on Friday before leaving for their place. Just to be sure.

Well, that test was still negative. But then again, on Saturday, still not 100% sure about it all (and still a bit disappointed) we decided “well… the closest to the period date we do the test, the more accurate it’s supposed to be. Better safe than sorry… let’s do one more!”

So on Saturday morning, going to the liquor store to grab wine for supper, we also stopped by and bought a box of pregnancy tests. We spend most of the morning with our friends, talking about this and that. To be perfectly honest, at that point, the test had completely left my mind. Later on, coming back from another errand run with my buddy, my wife brought me in our room where a gift bag was waiting on the bed. She said “here’s a gift for you.” You can guess what happened next! At the bottom of the gift bag was the pregnancy test with two rubber ducks.

I grabbed the test, strained my eyes a little bit and ended up seeing a thin, faint pink line. I don’t remember exactly how it went next, but I blurted something like “is this… are you sure… are you… I… you… I love you!”

Of course the friends we were visiting were the first to learn the news (actually, also unsure about the test being positive or not, my wife asked our friend to confirm since she had already gone through this a few times) and we ended up sharing a toast and celebrating this great news.

This is still all a bit surreal to me. I am super happy, but still having a bit of trouble believing it’s really happening.

Now, I am truly, becoming a dad.

Oh and… I DID beat the statistics! Take that average dudes!

Are parents less happy than non-parents?

Big Questions 4 Responses »

Jan 192012

Photo courtesy of photoloni, flickr

Recently I was listening to an old episode of the Freakonomics Podcast with my wife and the topic was quite interesting and thought-provoking, especially for a couple that is trying to become parents.

Are parents generally less happy than non-parents?

For those of you who don’t know what Freakonomics is, it’s the rambling on and studies on a bunch of different subjects by an economist. It started as a book which sparked a sequel, a blog and a podcast. The subject touched by the Freakonomics people range from the education system to waste management and crime rate.

Naturally, with an economists background, their observations are based on statistical analysis and an attempt to reach conclusions from correlations between seemingly unrelated things. A lot of their research is geared towards understanding what motivate people to do various things, what are the incentives that push us to various actions.

Naturally when I saw that they had a podcast episode completely devoted to parenting, I was quite curious and actually pretty thrilled and curious about what I would find in there. The podcast discussed the various aspects of parenthood but the part that really got us thinking was a part where they mention that, on average, people who have kids are less happy than people who don’t.

The reason, they go on explaining, is that people who have kids:

Have a lot less free time
Are generally more worried either about providing for their family or making sure nothing bad happens to their kids
Have a whole lot more of logistics to manage.

Thinking about this with a rational mind, it all makes sense. This is not a case of me putting my head in the sand, I actually know (or think I do) what to expect when I finally become a dad. What actually makes us want to have kids anyway if the “costs” seemingly outweigh the benefits? Discussing this with my mother in law she actually kinda agreed with the whole premise BUT said that becoming a grandparent actually is the happiest experience in her life.

I’d really be curious to hear what fathers and mothers would have to say about this. If you have an opinion about the subject, please post it in the comments section!

Also if you are curious about the book, you can buy it on amazon by following one of my affiliate links included in this post.

My first failure as a father… before becoming a father

Getting Ready No Responses »

Jan 172012

We had it all figured out. We would wait for after the Holidays, and then she would become pregnant. A few months later we would announce everything to our families which would time it perfectly for my mom’s birthday. Learning that I was about to become a father (and that she would become a grandmother) would have been the best birthday present ever. Then the late stages of the pregnancy would be at the end of summer. After the big heat waves but before the first snows…

Of course, as a couple of naive optimists we forgot to account for the fact that the average time it takes for a couple to become pregnant is around a year.

It’s funny, while the title of this post is a gross exaggeration and I do not really feel like a failure, there is a part of me that does feel like I shot and missed my target. I feel a bit disappointed we did not manage to beat the statistics. Guess it’s that old macho/alpha male instinct that makes us all want to be “the best” from time to time.

So in the end what’s the big deal?

Not much really. Guess it just makes me realize that I am in fact ready to become a father (as ready as any man ever is I guess…) and that on some level I am a bit impatient about seeing that little face smile at me.

I guess life is trying to teach me my first lesson on the path to becoming a dad. Don’t be surprised if things don’t go 100% according to plan and learn to adapt.

That and be easy on yourself, a change of plan is not a failure… and who knows, I might “hit the target” in month 2 and still outperform the average couple by 10 months!

Gender Bias

About Dad, Big Questions No Responses »

Jan 122012

Would you prefer a boy or a girl? What a tough question with no right answer.

A few days ago my wife and I were talking about our future child and the subject of having a boy or a girl came up. My wife asked me if I had a preference and if so if I’d be disappointed if our child was of the other sex.

I took a few moments to think this through and to think about it, gather my thoughts and understand the basis of my feelings.

I would prefer to have a boy. Don’t get me wrong, by this I do not mean that if I have a daughter I would love her any less than a son! Far from it, I know that if I ever have a daughter she’ll be my little princess.

It’s just that I know how boys work. I feel that the already steep learning curve that every parent must go through would be a bit simpler with a little dude since, well, I know how the equipment works!

Thinking about having a child inevitably makes me think about my own childhood and the kid activities and preoccupations are those of a boy. This means that when I picture myself with my kid, I see myself with a little me, doing the stuff I enjoyed doing as a kid. Watching my young nieces play, the type of games they play seem alien to me as opposed to the stuff I see my friend’s sons do.

So there, I was just brutally honest. I will love my child with all my life no matter if it’s a HE or a SHE, but I am way more nervous about having a daughter and thus, have a small bias towards having a son.

I am curious, did any of you have the same kind of feelings before having your first child? And if so, did your partner feel the same way about having a daughter?

Please share your experiences in the comment section!

Book Review: Fathering Right from the Start

Daddy University No Responses »

Jan 102012

As part of my “becoming dad 101” crash course, I just finished reading “Fathering Right from the Start: Straight Talk About Pregnancy, Birth and Beyond” by Jack Heinowitz Ph.D. I thought this book might be interesting to anyone that is in the process of becoming a father so below you will find my thoughts about the book.

I will start with a few words about the author. Jack Heinowitz is a Ph.D. in psychology and is specialized in family counselling. He has published two other books about family, and most particularly, fatherhood. His knowledge is based not only on his practice as a counsellor but also on his own experiences as a father.

Fathering Right from the Start covers all steps of the long process that is becoming a father, from making the decision of fathering a child to raising her through the teenage years. For each step, it covers the many challenges that every father to be will go through with a strong focus on the psychological and mental aspect of the process. Basically, this is a book that will help you come to grasp with your fears, not tell you how to change a diaper!

Throughout the text, Dr, Heinowitz talks about the various hurdles men go through, the difficulties we face trying to adapt to the new life that is coming. There is a strong focus on understanding what our partner is going through, what WE are going through and how to communicate to become better partners.

The text is also filled with a lot of testimonies that the author has gathered from his counselling clients. Actually, in my opinion there are too many testimonies. They slow the pace of the text and dilute the information. This is not to say that the testimonies don’t have their place, they help connect to what we go through and realizing that what we are living has been shared by others can help cope with it. I just feel like that author has gone a bit overboard with the amount of testimonies.

Despite the depth of subjects touched, this book is not only a theoretical book. As often as possible, the author tries to provide tools and exercises to help becoming better communicator, partners and fathers.

Overall I thought Fathering Right from the Start was a good book though I expected a bit more. I think most of the time the author should have provided more depth to the information from his vast body of knowledge and a little less testimonies from average Joes. Still, there are a few gems in there that I highlighted and will go back to.

On amazon, the book is available both in paperback and kindle format.

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